Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
