I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
