i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
