is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
