I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
soo... how was my night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
