Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
