but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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