How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
