Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
