Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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