my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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