Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
