oh god the rape fog is back!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
