I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
