i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Randomize
