I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
