I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
