i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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