guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Are we still banned from the library?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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