Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
