how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
