He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
