you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
