ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
