Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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