atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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