just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
