i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
