If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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