the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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