no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
