yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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