i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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