Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I touched a dick in church today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
