bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
