It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
