and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
