I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
