My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
