i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
