so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. š¦
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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