8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this just has baby written all over it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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