She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
