my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
