i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
pray to the hookup gods
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
