Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
