i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
