this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
