i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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