I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
