final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
