You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
