are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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