don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
