I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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