whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
