He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
