i don't like sucking hair
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
