You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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