Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
