Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
