piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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