What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
