Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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