i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
