I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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