threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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