do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
