meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
