this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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