UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So vagazzling was a success
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
