i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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