Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry my hands just texted you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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