May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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