If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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