My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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